Let’s get meta about it: women facing illness should be mindful about mindfulness. There is so much information out there—so many apps, memes, podcasters and experts that ironically, a movement centered upon clarity and simplicity can get overwhelming and have the opposite effect. (That’s actually ironic—unlike rain on your wedding day). Women working through the stressors of illness do not need to be told to investigate mindfulness; they already know and have to find their way without feeling locked out, shamed or lectured. How do I know this? Because I’ve had the conversations. Kinda reminds me of the day one of my kids, around three at the time, had a meltdown at a gymnastics class that all the kids were supposed to love. Alas, she was not a fan of the pungent foot smell in the gym and it set her off. Mid-tantrum a mom group pal tapped me on the shoulder and suggested I should tell her to “use her words.” You know that eyeroll emoji? The bottom line for women facing illness and mindfulness: Something that is supposed to be helpful should help!
Toxic Positivity Need Not Apply
Watch out for toxic positivity! Bookshelves and media are full of uplifting and articulate messaging about staying positive. But as statements and research get watered down and turned into sound bites and self-proclaimed gurus abound and profit, it can get difficult and even lonely for women who find themselves facing illness. What’s the fix? Balanced, specific mindfulness practices that are more thorough and less reductive. And read Kate Bowler. Just do it.
The Other “M” Word: Manifestation
The oversimplification of the notion of manifestation, which is a widespread but not always deeply understood idea, presents another challenge. New-age teachers and thinkers explain that people attract the energy they give off, that thinking something can make it so and that people can make themselves sick by indulging in negativity and not releasing their anger and fear appropriately. You can see how it this might go sideways for a woman diagnosed with cancer or a serious illness. Maybe she tried super hard! These ideas can effectively fuel ambitions and life paths, but they can have regrettable unintended consequences that can hurt women when they’re dealing with the strains and stresses of an illness.
Making Mindfulness Work for You
Mindfulness reduced can feel like another societal pressure that makes women facing illness feel inadequate, but effective mindfulness goes beyond oversimplified positivity or formulaic manifestation. So, don’t reduce it! Dig deep! Be where you are and notice the beauty and brilliance around you. Mindfulness is not categorically or proscriptively pollyannish, and the practice has been shown to evoke positive feelings.
Mindfulness can be excellent for women facing illness because:
§ It encourages self-care
§ It expands self-definition beyond illness
§ It allows women to embrace their own humanity
§ It opens the mind to expanded healing options
§ It can help women let go of the original life they planned
§ It bolsters gratitude
§ It silences the inner critic, paving the way for compassion
§ Spirituality is good for mental health
When a woman is facing a serious illness, these are no small things. Authentic joy is powerful and women facing illness do well when they get past the noise and explore mindfulness on their own terms and with depth.
Finding Your Mindful Path
In my experience, organizations that support women on their health journeys are the optimal place to start, as there are so many options from exercise studios to spas to gyms to apps that aren’t vetted for the purpose. It also helps to be amongst people who are having similar experiences, as it builds community and understanding, and it is much less likely that someone will say or do something that will have a negative effect on your emotions and mindset.
So, check in with your local women’s health center, community center or ask your doctor for recommendations. These days Western medicine has begun to embrace the value of integrative care and alternative modalities if they’ve been shown to improve the patient experience. Some of the many mindfulness options are meditation, guided imagery, journaling, aromatherapy, music immersion, yoga, Tai Chi, progressive muscle relaxation and nature experiences. These are just a short list and finding the right mindfulness mix is a healthy exercise of self-discovery all its own.
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